عربي
Family and Parenting

Raising Children in Islam: A Practical Guide for Parents

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of all worlds. May Allah send peace and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and all his Companions.

Raising children in Islam is a trust, an act of worship, and a responsibility. It is not merely providing food, clothing, and education. It means that parents exert their best effort to raise their children upon tawhid, the Sunnah, worship, and beneficial character; teach them what they need for their religion and worldly life; and protect their bodies, hearts, and fitrah through mercy, wisdom, and justice.

{يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ} [التحريم: 6].“O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, overseen by stern and mighty angels who never disobey whatever Allah commands and always do as they are ordered.” [Surah al-Tahrim: 6]

Protecting the family means teaching them what Allah has made obligatory, warning them against what He has forbidden, and helping them obey Him, while the parents themselves practice what they teach to the best of their ability.

Trust and Responsibility

Guardianship Means Care and Reform

Parental guardianship over children is a guardianship of care and reform, not ownership that permits neglect, humiliation, or unjust control. Both the father and mother are responsible according to their role and ability.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

«أَلَا كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ، وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ؛ فَالإِمَامُ الَّذِي عَلَى النَّاسِ رَاعٍ، وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، وَالرَّجُلُ رَاعٍ عَلَى أَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ، وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، وَالمَرْأَةُ رَاعِيَةٌ عَلَى أَهْلِ بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا وَوَلَدِهِ، وَهِيَ مَسْئُولَةٌ عَنْهُمْ، وَعَبْدُ الرَّجُلِ رَاعٍ عَلَى مَالِ سَيِّدِهِ، وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْهُ، أَلَا فَكُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ، وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ».“Every one of you is a shepherd and every one of you is responsible for those under your care. The leader over people is a shepherd and is responsible for those under his care. A man is a shepherd over his household and is responsible for those under his care. A woman is a shepherd over her husband’s household and children and is responsible for them. A man’s servant is a shepherd over his master’s property and is responsible for it. Indeed, every one of you is a shepherd and every one of you is responsible for those under your care.” Agreed upon: reported by al-Bukhari (7138) and Muslim (1829); this wording is from al-Bukhari.

Protecting the Fitrah While Taking the Means

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, also said:

«مَا مِنْ مَوْلُودٍ إِلَّا يُولَدُ عَلَى الفِطْرَةِ، فَأَبَوَاهُ يُهَوِّدَانِهِ، أَوْ يُنَصِّرَانِهِ، أَوْ يُمَجِّسَانِهِ، كَمَا تُنْتَجُ البَهِيمَةُ بَهِيمَةً جَمْعَاءَ، هَلْ تُحِسُّونَ فِيهَا مِنْ جَدْعَاءَ؟».“Every child is born upon the fitrah. Then the parents make the child Jewish, Christian, or Magian, just as an animal gives birth to a complete animal. Do you notice any mutilation in it?” Agreed upon: reported by al-Bukhari (1359) and Muslim (2658).

A child is born upon the fitrah, and the home has an enormous influence upon direction, learning, and habits. Parents must therefore protect the child’s fitrah from shirk, religious innovations, and corrupt character, and raise the child upon Islam through knowledge, action, and example.

Parents are commanded to take the means, but guidance of success belongs to Allah alone. They should neither become self-satisfied because their children are righteous nor despair when the effects of parenting are delayed. Rather, they remain patient, improve, and make du‘a. Allah says:

{إِنَّكَ لَا تَهْدِي مَنْ أَحْبَبْتَ وَلَكِنَّ اللَّهَ يَهْدِي مَنْ يَشَاءُ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِالمُهْتَدِينَ} [القصص: 56].“You cannot guide everyone you love, but Allah guides whoever He wills, and He knows best those who are rightly guided.” [Surah al-Qasas: 56]
Luqman’s Parenting Method

Tawhid, Awareness of Allah, Prayer, and Character

Luqman’s advice to his son gathered tremendous foundations of parenting, beginning with the greatest right: Allah’s right and His tawhid.

{وَإِذْ قَالَ لُقْمَانُ لِابْنِهِ وَهُوَ يَعِظُهُ يَا بُنَيَّ لَا تُشْرِكْ بِاللَّهِ إِنَّ الشِّرْكَ لَظُلْمٌ عَظِيمٌ} [لقمان: 13].“Remember when Luqman said to his son while advising him: O my dear son, do not associate anything with Allah. Indeed, shirk is a tremendous injustice.” [Surah Luqman: 13]

He then instilled awareness of Allah and taught that no deed, however small, is hidden from Him:

{يَا بُنَيَّ إِنَّهَا إِنْ تَكُ مِثْقَالَ حَبَّةٍ مِنْ خَرْدَلٍ فَتَكُنْ فِي صَخْرَةٍ أَوْ فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ أَوْ فِي الأَرْضِ يَأْتِ بِهَا اللَّهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَطِيفٌ خَبِيرٌ} [لقمان: 16].“O my dear son, even if a deed were the weight of a mustard seed, hidden in a rock, in the heavens, or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Surely Allah is Most Subtle, All-Aware.” [Surah Luqman: 16]

He then commanded prayer, righteous action, and patience:

{يَا بُنَيَّ أَقِمِ الصَّلَاةَ وَأْمُرْ بِالمَعْرُوفِ وَانْهَ عَنِ المُنْكَرِ وَاصْبِرْ عَلَى مَا أَصَابَكَ إِنَّ ذَلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ الأُمُورِ} [لقمان: 17].“O my dear son, establish prayer, encourage what is right, forbid what is wrong, and patiently endure whatever befalls you. Surely this is among the matters requiring resolve.” [Surah Luqman: 17]

He then raised him upon humility, dignified conduct, and good speech:

{وَلَا تُصَعِّرْ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمْشِ فِي الأَرْضِ مَرَحًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍ فَخُورٍ} [لقمان: 18].“Do not turn your cheek away from people in contempt, and do not walk upon the earth arrogantly. Surely Allah does not love anyone arrogant and boastful.” [Surah Luqman: 18]
{وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِنْ صَوْتِكَ إِنَّ أَنْكَرَ الأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الحَمِيرِ} [لقمان: 19].“Be moderate in your pace and lower your voice. Surely the harshest of voices is the braying of donkeys.” [Surah Luqman: 19]

The repeated words “O my dear son” show gentleness and closeness while commands and prohibitions remain clear. Qur’anic parenting combines sound content with a beautiful method.

Tawhid, Prayer, and Qur’an

Instilling Tawhid and Sound Belief

The first truth planted in a child’s heart is that Allah is the Lord, Creator, and Provider, and that all worship belongs to Allah alone. No one besides Allah is called upon or asked for rescue in matters only Allah can accomplish; sacrifice and vows are directed only to Him. The child learns that the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, is Allah’s Messenger whom we follow but do not worship; that the Qur’an is Allah’s speech; and that what is established in the Qur’an and Sunnah is understood according to the way of the Companions and those who followed them in excellence.

The child is taught Allah’s established names and attributes in the manner befitting Allah, without distortion, denial, asking how, or likening them to creation. The child is raised to know that Allah hears every word, sees the child, and knows what is hidden and open. The child is also raised to love all the Companions and the Mothers of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with them, to ask Allah to be pleased with them, and to keep a sound heart and tongue toward them. Belief should not be presented only as abstract terminology; it should be connected to daily life. When afraid, the child seeks Allah’s help. When Allah gives a blessing, the child thanks Him. When the child makes a mistake, the child repents to Him. When making du‘a, the child asks Allah alone.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said to ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbas, may Allah be pleased with them both, when he was a boy:

«يَا غُلَامُ، إِنِّي أُعَلِّمُكَ كَلِمَاتٍ: احْفَظِ اللَّهَ يَحْفَظْكَ، احْفَظِ اللَّهَ تَجِدْهُ تُجَاهَكَ، إِذَا سَأَلْتَ فَاسْأَلِ اللَّهَ، وَإِذَا اسْتَعَنْتَ فَاسْتَعِنْ بِاللَّهِ، وَاعْلَمْ أَنَّ الأُمَّةَ لَوِ اجْتَمَعَتْ عَلَى أَنْ يَنْفَعُوكَ بِشَيْءٍ لَمْ يَنْفَعُوكَ إِلَّا بِشَيْءٍ قَدْ كَتَبَهُ اللَّهُ لَكَ، وَلَوِ اجْتَمَعُوا عَلَى أَنْ يَضُرُّوكَ بِشَيْءٍ لَمْ يَضُرُّوكَ إِلَّا بِشَيْءٍ قَدْ كَتَبَهُ اللَّهُ عَلَيْكَ، رُفِعَتِ الأَقْلَامُ وَجَفَّتِ الصُّحُفُ».“Young man, I will teach you some words: Guard Allah’s commands and He will guard you. Guard Allah’s commands and you will find Him before you. When you ask, ask Allah; when you seek help, seek Allah’s help. Know that if the entire nation gathered to benefit you, they could benefit you only with something Allah had already written for you. If they gathered to harm you, they could harm you only with something Allah had already written against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” Reported by al-Tirmidhi (2516), who said it is hasan sahih.

Teaching Prayer

The child should see prayer treated as a great matter in the home. The child watches the parents preserve it at its proper time, learns wudu and prayer gradually, and receives patient reminders without prayer becoming associated with shouting and fear.

{وَأْمُرْ أَهْلَكَ بِالصَّلَاةِ وَاصْطَبِرْ عَلَيْهَا لَا نَسْأَلُكَ رِزْقًا نَحْنُ نَرْزُقُكَ وَالعَاقِبَةُ لِلتَّقْوَى} [طه: 132].“Command your family to pray and remain steadfast in it. We do not ask you for provision; We provide for you. The ultimate outcome belongs to taqwa.” [Surah Ta-Ha: 132]

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

«مُرُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ بِالصَّلَاةِ وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ سَبْعِ سِنِينَ، وَاضْرِبُوهُمْ عَلَيْهَا وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ عَشْرِ سِنِينَ، وَفَرِّقُوا بَيْنَهُمْ فِي المَضَاجِعِ».“Command your children to pray when they are seven years old, discipline them concerning it when they are ten years old, and separate them in their sleeping places.” Reported by Abu Dawud (495) and Ahmad (6756), and authenticated by al-Albani.

This hadith indicates beginning instruction and habituation early and following up seriously before puberty. What it mentions at age ten is a revealed text explained in its proper legal context together with the principles of mercy and prevention of injustice and harm. This article does not present physical punishment as a parenting method and does not grant anyone permission to strike a child. The hadith may not be used as a pretext for anger, humiliation, or physical or psychological harm. The practical guidance here is instruction, example, patience, consistent follow-up, and safe nonphysical parenting methods.

Connecting the Child to the Qur’an

The child should have a daily share of the Qur’an suitable for age: listening, recitation, brief memorization, understanding the meaning of a verse, and acting upon it. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

«خَيْرُكُمْ مَنْ تَعَلَّمَ القُرْآنَ وَعَلَّمَهُ».“The best of you are those who learn the Qur’an and teach it.” Reported by al-Bukhari (5027).
Example, Mercy, and Effective Teaching

Example Before Numerous Commands

A child watches what parents do more than memorizing what they say. When the child sees truthfulness, prayer, control of the tongue, fulfillment of promises, mercy, and apologies after mistakes, the child learns that religion is practiced. If the child hears lying prohibited but then sees lies, or is commanded to pray while prayer is neglected in the home, parental guidance loses authority in the child’s heart.

Being an example does not mean parents never make mistakes. It means they hasten to repent, apologize when they have wronged someone, and correct their error without arrogance. This teaches the child honesty and responsibility.

Mercy Together with Firmness

Showing a child love is not blameworthy indulgence. A child needs kind words, closeness, affection, and time to be heard, while age and boundaries are respected. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was merciful to children.

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, said:

«قَبَّلَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ الحَسَنَ بْنَ عَلِيٍّ، وَعِنْدَهُ الأَقْرَعُ بْنُ حَابِسٍ التَّمِيمِيُّ جَالِسًا، فَقَالَ الأَقْرَعُ: إِنَّ لِي عَشَرَةً مِنَ الوَلَدِ مَا قَبَّلْتُ مِنْهُمْ أَحَدًا، فَنَظَرَ إِلَيْهِ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ثُمَّ قَالَ: مَنْ لَا يَرْحَمُ لَا يُرْحَمُ».“The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, kissed al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali while al-Aqra‘ ibn Habis al-Tamimi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra‘ said: I have ten children and have never kissed any of them. The Messenger of Allah looked at him and then said: Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.” Agreed upon: reported by al-Bukhari (5997) and Muslim (2318).
«إِنَّ الرِّفْقَ لَا يَكُونُ فِي شَيْءٍ إِلَّا زَانَهُ، وَلَا يُنْزَعُ مِنْ شَيْءٍ إِلَّا شَانَهُ».“Gentleness is not present in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disfigures it.” Reported by Muslim (2594).

Gentleness does not mean abandoning boundaries, just as firmness does not mean cruelty. Beneficial firmness includes a clear rule, a calm reminder, a known consequence when the rule is broken, and then an open door to repair without public exposure or humiliation.

Clear Teaching Suited to the Moment

The Prophet’s guidance included teaching a young person with clear words connected to the immediate situation, not with a long lecture unsuitable for the child’s age.

‘Umar ibn Abi Salamah, may Allah be pleased with him, said:

«كُنْتُ غُلَامًا فِي حِجْرِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، وَكَانَتْ يَدِي تَطِيشُ فِي الصَّحْفَةِ، فَقَالَ لِي رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: يَا غُلَامُ، سَمِّ اللَّهَ، وَكُلْ بِيَمِينِكَ، وَكُلْ مِمَّا يَلِيكَ، فَمَا زَالَتْ تِلْكَ طِعْمَتِي بَعْدُ».“I was a boy under the care of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and my hand used to wander around the dish. The Messenger of Allah said to me: Young man, mention Allah’s name, eat with your right hand, and eat from what is nearest to you. That has remained my manner of eating ever since.” Agreed upon: reported by al-Bukhari (5376) and Muslim (2022); this wording is from al-Bukhari.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, combined a gentle address, specific instruction, and absence of humiliation, so the etiquette became firmly established in the boy.

Character and Justice Between Children

Teaching Character Through Practical Honesty

A child is taught truthfulness, trustworthiness, modesty, honoring parents, maintaining family ties, respecting neighbors, guarding the tongue, seeking permission, and the manners of eating, sleeping, and clothing. It is not enough to demand truthfulness from a child; parents themselves must not lie to the child, even in jest or to lure the child toward them.

‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amir, may Allah be pleased with him, said:

«دَعَتْنِي أُمِّي يَوْمًا وَرَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَاعِدٌ فِي بَيْتِنَا، فَقَالَتْ: هَا تَعَالَ أُعْطِكَ، فَقَالَ لَهَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: وَمَا أَرَدْتِ أَنْ تُعْطِيهِ؟ قَالَتْ: أُعْطِيهِ تَمْرًا، فَقَالَ لَهَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: أَمَا إِنَّكِ لَوْ لَمْ تُعْطِيهِ شَيْئًا كُتِبَتْ عَلَيْكِ كِذْبَةٌ».“My mother called me one day while the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, was sitting in our home. She said: Come here and I will give you something. The Messenger of Allah asked her: What did you intend to give him? She replied: I will give him a date. He said: If you had not given him anything, a lie would have been recorded against you.” Reported by Abu Dawud (4991) and graded hasan by al-Albani.

Justice and Avoiding Unfair Favoritism

Unjust favoritism in gifts and treatment must be avoided. Parents should also pay attention to fairness in listening, respect, opportunities, and expressions of attention.

Al-Nu‘man ibn Bashir, may Allah be pleased with them both, said:

«تَصَدَّقَ عَلَيَّ أَبِي بِبَعْضِ مَالِهِ، فَقَالَتْ أُمِّي عَمْرَةُ بِنْتُ رَوَاحَةَ: لَا أَرْضَى حَتَّى تُشْهِدَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، فَانْطَلَقَ أَبِي إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ لِيُشْهِدَهُ عَلَى صَدَقَتِي، فَقَالَ لَهُ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: أَفَعَلْتَ هَذَا بِوَلَدِكَ كُلِّهِمْ؟ قَالَ: لَا. قَالَ: اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَاعْدِلُوا فِي أَوْلَادِكُمْ. فَرَجَعَ أَبِي فَرَدَّ تِلْكَ الصَّدَقَةَ».“My father gave me part of his wealth. My mother, ‘Amrah bint Rawahah, said: I will not be satisfied until you make the Messenger of Allah a witness. My father went to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, to make him a witness to my gift. The Messenger of Allah asked: Have you done this for all your children? He replied: No. He said: Fear Allah and be just among your children. My father returned and took back that gift.” Agreed upon: reported by al-Bukhari (2587) and Muslim (1623); this wording is from Muslim.

Justice does not mean giving every child the identical thing in every situation. Needs, ages, illness, and education may differ. The purpose is to leave injustice and favoritism and give each child what is reasonably needed. Do not compare one child’s personality with siblings, and do not make academic achievement the measure of love or dignity.

Protection, Puberty, Friends, and Devices

Privacy and Bodily Boundaries

From an early age, a child is taught the boundaries of ‘awrah and seeking permission: not entering the parents’ room during private times without permission, not allowing anyone to touch or photograph private areas, and telling the parents immediately if anyone requests a frightening secret, a private image, or a meeting away from them.

{يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لِيَسْتَأْذِنْكُمُ الَّذِينَ مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ وَالَّذِينَ لَمْ يَبْلُغُوا الحُلُمَ مِنْكُمْ ثَلَاثَ مَرَّاتٍ مِنْ قَبْلِ صَلَاةِ الفَجْرِ وَحِينَ تَضَعُونَ ثِيَابَكُمْ مِنَ الظَّهِيرَةِ وَمِنْ بَعْدِ صَلَاةِ العِشَاءِ ثَلَاثُ عَوْرَاتٍ لَكُمْ لَيْسَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَلَا عَلَيْهِمْ جُنَاحٌ بَعْدَهُنَّ طَوَّافُونَ عَلَيْكُمْ بَعْضُكُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ كَذَلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمُ الآيَاتِ وَاللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ} [النور: 58].“O you who believe, let those under your authority and those among you who have not reached puberty ask your permission at three times: before Fajr prayer, when you remove your outer clothing at midday, and after ‘Isha prayer. These are three times of privacy for you. Outside these times, there is no blame upon you or them, as you move freely around one another. This is how Allah makes the revelations clear to you. Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.” [Surah al-Nur: 58]
{وَإِذَا بَلَغَ الأَطْفَالُ مِنْكُمُ الحُلُمَ فَلْيَسْتَأْذِنُوا كَمَا اسْتَأْذَنَ الَّذِينَ مِنْ قَبْلِهِمْ كَذَلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ آيَاتِهِ وَاللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ} [النور: 59].“When the children among you reach puberty, let them seek permission as those before them sought permission. This is how Allah makes His revelations clear to you. Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.” [Surah al-Nur: 59]

Sons and daughters should be taught the rulings of puberty, purification, prayer, fasting, and covering before the signs of puberty surprise them. Once a sane child reaches puberty, the child becomes religiously accountable. Teaching these rulings must not be delayed because of social embarrassment.

Righteous Companionship

Parenting includes knowing children’s friends, bringing righteous companionship near, and teaching children how to choose friends without unjust spying or naive neglect.

«الرَّجُلُ عَلَى دِينِ خَلِيلِهِ، فَلْيَنْظُرْ أَحَدُكُمْ مَنْ يُخَالِلُ».“A person follows the religion of a close friend, so let each of you consider whom you take as a close friend.” Reported by Abu Dawud (4833) and al-Tirmidhi (2378), who said it is a hasan gharib hadith.

Devices and Digital Supervision

A device is not an unrestricted right of the child. It is a tool parents permit according to benefit and safety. It should be used in a visible place, with defined times, appropriate safeguards activated, apps and games reviewed, and secret communication with strangers prevented. Supervision should be known and age-appropriate, while trust is built so the child asks for help after seeing harmful material rather than hiding it out of fear of shouting or public shame.

Parenting by Age and Development

During the Early Years

  1. 1Surround the child with mercy, security, and kind language.
  2. 2Teach Allah’s names according to the child’s understanding and that Allah created and provided for the child.
  3. 3Build the habit of saying Allah’s name, giving salam, and reciting short adhkar.
  4. 4Let the child see prayer and Qur’an as a natural part of home life.
  5. 5Teach cleanliness, seeking permission, and bodily boundaries in clear age-appropriate language.
  6. 6Reduce screen time and do not use screens as a constant substitute for parental presence.

From the Age of Instruction Until Puberty

  1. 1Teach wudu and prayer and follow up consistently.
  2. 2Set a consistent portion of Qur’an for memorization and understanding.
  3. 3Assign household responsibilities suited to the child’s ability.
  4. 4Teach truthfulness, care for money and time, and fulfillment of promises.
  5. 5Monitor friends and digital content with clarity and wisdom.
  6. 6Teach the rulings of seeking permission and ‘awrah, and separate children in sleeping places upon reaching the age mentioned in the Sunnah.
  7. 7Prepare the child for the rulings of puberty before it occurs.

After Puberty and During the Teen Years

After puberty, a son or daughter is religiously accountable while still needing parenting and care. The young person should be addressed respectfully, taught the evidence, entrusted with real responsibilities, and allowed to discuss questions and doubts without ridicule. Supervision and boundaries continue while the young person remains under parental care, but in a manner that respects the transition toward adulthood and builds awareness of Allah rather than permanent dependence upon human surveillance.

Correcting Mistakes Safely and Wisely
Seven Steps

When a Mistake Occurs

  1. 1Verify what happened instead of basing judgment upon suspicion or reported speech.
  2. 2Calm down before correcting so that the decision does not become an outlet for anger.
  3. 3Distinguish between the child and the action: say, “This action is wrong,” rather than, “You are corrupt,” or, “You are a failure.”
  4. 4Explain the ruling and reason in language appropriate to the child’s age.
  5. 5Require the child to repair what was damaged, return a right, and apologize when needed.
  6. 6Use a reasonable, defined, nonphysical parenting consequence connected to the violation whenever possible.
  7. 7Open the door to repentance and a new beginning, and do not continue shaming the child with the mistake after it has been corrected.

Parenting must not turn into insults, curses, degradation, threats of abandonment, exposure of secrets, violence, hitting, intimidation, or psychological or physical harm. This article does not present hitting as a practical parenting method and does not grant permission for it. Parents must also not pray against their children in anger.

«لَا تَدْعُوا عَلَى أَنْفُسِكُمْ، وَلَا تَدْعُوا عَلَى أَوْلَادِكُمْ، وَلَا تَدْعُوا عَلَى أَمْوَالِكُمْ، لَا تُوَافِقُوا مِنَ اللَّهِ سَاعَةً يُسْأَلُ فِيهَا عَطَاءٌ فَيَسْتَجِيبُ لَكُمْ».“Do not pray against yourselves, do not pray against your children, and do not pray against your wealth, lest you coincide with an hour in which Allah is asked for a gift and He answers you.” Reported by Muslim (3009).
Parental Agreement and Continuing Care

Shared Foundations Away from Adult Conflict

The father’s and mother’s personalities do not have to match in every detail, but they should agree upon the foundations of the religion, obligations, major boundaries, and consequences for repeated violations. They should discuss disagreements away from the children. Neither should undermine the other’s sound guidance or lawful parenting decision in front of them. An error or injustice, however, is not affirmed; it is corrected wisely while protecting the child from harm. Parents must not use the child as a messenger or weapon in their conflict.

If divorce or separation occurs, raising the children and protecting their religion and safety remain obligations. Children must not be burdened with adult conflict or taught to despise either parent.

A Simple and Consistent Family Program

Steps a Family Can Begin

A family may begin with what it is able to maintain, such as:

  1. 1Congregational prayer at home when attending the mosque is not possible for those for whom that applies, while men continue congregational prayer where it is obligatory and available.
  2. 2Ten daily minutes for Qur’an or an authentic hadith and its meaning.
  3. 3A short daily period for each child in which the parents listen without a device present.
  4. 4A calm weekly family meeting to review prayer, school, friends, and devices.
  5. 5A consistent household task for every son or daughter appropriate to age.
  6. 6Regular family participation in charity, maintaining family ties, or beneficial service.
  7. 7Parents praying for their children by name during sujood and at times when supplication is answered.

A small practice maintained consistently is more beneficial than a large program abandoned after a few days.

Common Mistakes and Warning Signs
Practical Warning

Mistakes to Avoid

  1. 1Focusing upon school and appearance while neglecting tawhid, prayer, and character.
  2. 2Leaving parenting to the phone, school, and friends.
  3. 3Giving many commands while providing a weak example.
  4. 4Correcting the child in front of people and causing humiliation.
  5. 5Comparing siblings with one another or with other people’s children.
  6. 6Threatening consequences that are never applied or changing rules according to mood.
  7. 7Complete permissiveness in the name of mercy or cruelty in the name of firmness.
  8. 8Delaying education about puberty and purification until the child experiences embarrassment or seeks knowledge from a corrupt source.
  9. 9Secretly monitoring devices without need while avoiding conversation, or leaving devices entirely unsupervised in the name of trust.
  10. 10Explaining every problem as stubbornness or weak faith while ignoring the possibility of illness, a learning difficulty, or psychological harm.

If warning signs appear, such as self-harm, threats against others, assault, extortion, addiction, or a severe and continuing change in sleep, eating, or behavior, parents should urgently seek help from a trustworthy qualified provider. They should not delay professional help by relying upon ruqyah alone. Rather, they should combine lawful ruqyah and du‘a with beneficial therapeutic means, because seeking treatment does not contradict tawakkul.

Frequently Asked Questions About Raising Children

Where should parents begin when raising their children?

They begin with tawhid, loving and glorifying Allah, introducing the child to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and the obligation to follow him, followed by prayer, Qur’an, and character according to the child’s age. Parents begin by reforming themselves because their example is the first thing the child sees.

Is love alone sufficient for parenting?

No. A child needs love and security together with boundaries, instruction, and supervision. Mercy without guidance may become neglect, while firmness without mercy may become injustice. Islamic parenting combines both forms of good.

Does firmness mean hitting or frightening a child?

No. Firmness means clarity about duties and boundaries, consistency in follow-up, and the use of safe, nonphysical parenting consequences. This article does not present hitting as a method or grant permission to harm, frighten, or humiliate a child. Anyone facing a difficult parenting situation should seek help from a trustworthy scholar and qualified parenting professional and should not act while angry.

How should parents respond when a child lies?

They first verify what happened, then look for the reason. The child may lie out of fear of punishment, imitation, or a desire for attention. They explain that lying is forbidden, make honesty a safe path toward repair, remain truthful themselves, and do not permanently label the child a liar.

What should parents do when a child does not maintain prayer?

They ensure the child was taught correctly, organize sleep and time, remove distractions when the adhan is called, pray in front of the child, follow up consistently through nonphysical methods, and explain the status of prayer and danger of abandoning it according to the child’s understanding. After puberty, the young person is directly addressed by its obligation and is responsible before Allah, while advice and du‘a continue.

Does justice mean giving every child exactly the same thing?

Justice is obligatory, but ignoring differences in age, need, and ability is not justice. One child may need more teaching time, treatment, or special financial support. That should be based upon need, not favoritism or preference for the most beloved child.

What should parents do when their parenting styles differ?

They agree upon the essential foundations and important rules and discuss details away from the child. Their styles do not have to match completely, but neither should cancel the other or allow the child to move between contradictory rulings to obtain what the child wants.

Is every mistake by a child proof that the parents failed?

Not every mistake proves that. A child possesses a will, guidance belongs to Allah, and people are tested. Parents should nevertheless take themselves to account, correct shortcomings, continue du‘a and advice, and avoid either despair or declaring themselves faultless without review.

Parents’ Supplications for Their Children

Comprehensive Qur’anic Supplications

Among the supplications of the servants of the Most Merciful is:

{رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا} [الفرقان: 74].“Our Lord, grant us spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our eyes, and make us leaders for those mindful of You.” [Surah al-Furqan: 74]

Among the supplications of Ibrahim, peace be upon him, is:

{رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلَاةِ وَمِنْ ذُرِّيَّتِي رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءِ} [إبراهيم: 40].“My Lord, make me one who establishes prayer, and also from my descendants. Our Lord, accept my supplication.” [Surah Ibrahim: 40]
Conclusion

A Long-Term Responsibility That Begins with Self-Reform

Raising children is long-term work that cannot be repaired by temporary enthusiasm, nor does it require flawless parents who never make mistakes. Reform yourselves, begin with what matters most, remain consistent upon small beneficial practices, listen to your children, repent from mistakes, increase in du‘a, and make the home a place where children see tawhid, prayer, truthfulness, and mercy as living actions.

A righteous child is a blessing, and that righteousness is a favor from Allah and among the greatest deeds that remain for a person after death. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

«إِذَا مَاتَ الإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَنْهُ عَمَلُهُ إِلَّا مِنْ ثَلَاثَةٍ: إِلَّا مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ، أَوْ عِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ، أَوْ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ».“When a person dies, all deeds cease except three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for that person.” Reported by Muslim (1631).