عربي
Parenting and Rights

Justice Between Children

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and may peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and companions.

Justice between children is one of the greatest areas of Islamic parenting, because it protects hearts from jealousy and envy, strengthens love between siblings, and prevents many disputes whose effects may last for many years.

Islam commands justice, forbids oppression, and makes justice between children a serious right in which parents must fear Allah.

{إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَى وَيَنْهَى عَنِ الْفَحْشَاءِ وَالْمُنْكَرِ وَالْبَغْيِ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ}Indeed, Allah commands justice, excellence, and giving to relatives, and forbids immorality, evil, and transgression. He admonishes you so that you may remember. [An-Nahl 16:90]
Islamic Basis

Evidence for the Obligation of Justice Between Children

An-Nu'man ibn Bashir رضي الله عنهما narrated that his father brought him to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and said that he had given this son a slave that belonged to him. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

Have you given all your children the same as this? He said: No. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: Then take it back.

In another wording, he ﷺ said:

Fear Allah and be just between your children.

Agreed upon.

This hadith is a major foundation for the obligation of justice between children, especially in gifts and grants.

Important Definition

What Does Justice Between Children Mean?

Justice between children means that parents give each child his or her right according to what is right, and that they do not favor one child without a valid Islamic reason or recognized need, whether in wealth, treatment, attention, speech, or showing love.

Justice does not always mean absolute equality in every situation, because needs may differ. Rather, it means avoiding injustice and favoritism.

Justice in Wealth and Needs
Gifts and Grants

Justice in Gifts and Grants

If a father or mother gives some children a gift without a valid reason, they should be just between all of them.

It is not permissible to single out one child with money or a gift merely because of desire, because that child is closer to the heart, or because that child pressures more than others.

But if one child has a special need, such as illness, debt, necessary study, or poverty, the parent may give that child according to the need, not as unjust favoritism, but to meet the need.

Large gifts, transferring ownership, or writing some property to some children and not others should be referred to scholars, because these matters may become oppression or a cause of family rupture, especially if the intention is to deprive some heirs of their rights.

Scholars differed over the exact form of justice in gifts: should gifts during life be equal between male and female, or according to inheritance shares? The purpose here is to emphasize the principle of justice and avoiding oppression and favoritism. Large gifts should be referred to scholars, especially if they may lead to dispute or deprivation.

Necessary Distinction

The Difference Between Maintenance, Need, and Gift

It is important to distinguish between three matters:

  • Obligatory maintenance: food, clothing, basic education, and medical care. These are given according to need.
  • Special need: such as illness, a binding debt, or an emergency circumstance. The child is given according to the need without intending favoritism.
  • Extra gift or grant: such as money, property, or a large gift without special need. This is where justice is required and favoritism must be avoided.

It is not injustice for a parent to spend more on treatment for a sick child, or on necessary study that one child needs, if this is according to need and not unjust favoritism.

Emotional and Parenting Justice
Speech and Treatment

Justice in Treatment and Speech

Some people think justice is only about money, but this is not correct. Many wounds between children come from favoritism in speech and treatment.

  • Always praising one child and always criticizing another.
  • Constantly comparing children.
  • Mocking one child in front of siblings.
  • Showing love to one child in a way that breaks the hearts of others.
  • Burdening one child beyond ability.
  • Ignoring the quiet child’s feelings because he or she does not demand much.
Time and Attention

Justice in Attention and Time

Children need emotional attention just as they need food and clothing. Favoritism in time and attention may have a stronger effect than favoritism in money.

  • Ask about every child.
  • Set aside time for conversation.
  • Notice the different needs of the children.
  • Do not neglect the obedient child because he or she does not cause problems.
  • Do not give all the time to the child with many problems while forgetting the others.
Inclination of the Heart

Is a Parent Sinful If the Heart Inclines Toward One Child?

The heart may naturally incline toward one child because of closeness, gentleness, or frequent kindness. A person may not fully control this inner feeling. But the obligation is that this inward inclination must not become outward injustice in gifts, words, or treatment.

A parent is not held accountable for a feeling he or she cannot control, but is required to fear Allah in actions, words, and decisions, and not break the hearts of the other children by showing harmful preference or unjust favoritism.

Sons and Daughters

Does Justice Mean Equality Between Sons and Daughters in Everything?

The basic principle is that parents should be just between sons and daughters in treatment and gifts given during life, because the text speaks generally about children.

As for inheritance after death, Allah Himself has divided it, and it is not permissible to change it by desires.

It is wrong for a daughter to be humiliated or neglected because she is a daughter, or for a son to be favored over her without right. All of them are children, and all of them are a trust.

It is not permissible to use gifts during life as a trick to remove the right of some heirs after death, for inheritance laws are sacred limits that Allah divided with His wisdom and justice.

Encouragement Without Injustice

Favoring Because of Righteousness or Goodness

Parents should not make their love for a righteous child a reason to wrong the rest of the children in gifts or rights. Yes, parents love goodness in their child and encourage righteousness, but without injustice or breaking the hearts of others.

A parent may single out a child with a word of thanks or encouragement because of a good deed. This is not injustice if it does not become harmful favoritism.

Effects of Injustice

Effects of Injustice Between Children

  • Envy between siblings.
  • Cutting family ties.
  • Weakening children’s honoring of parents.
  • Some children feeling wronged or inferior.
  • Disputes after the parents’ death.
  • Weak trust inside the family.

For this reason, justice is mercy for parents before it is mercy for children.

Practical Steps

How Can Parents Practice Justice?

  • Remember Allah in every gift and decision.
  • Do not make decisions during anger or emotional leaning.
  • Ask yourself: Am I giving this child because of need or desire?
  • Explain the reason to the children when one of them has a special need.
  • Avoid hurtful comparisons.
  • Distribute attention and kind words.
  • Write important financial rights clearly when needed.
  • Ask scholars about large gifts and inheritance issues.

It is also wise for parents not to use money as a tool to control children, take revenge on one of them, or reward one child at the expense of wronging the others. Wealth is a trust, and justice in it is one of the causes for love to remain after the parents pass away.

FAQ

Must I always give every child the same amount of money?

The basic principle is justice in gifts. But if one child needs special spending because of illness, necessity, or debt, it is permissible to give according to the need, not as favoritism.

FAQ

Should justice in gifts be equal or according to inheritance shares?

This is an issue over which scholars differed. Some hold that gifts during life should be equal, while others hold that they should follow inheritance shares. Ordinary Muslims should fear Allah, avoid injustice and favoritism, and ask scholars about large gifts so that family rupture or deprivation does not occur.

FAQ

May I give a special gift to the child who is more dutiful?

One should be cautious, because a special gift may open the door to envy and injustice. The child may be encouraged with kind words and dua. As for financial gifts, justice should be observed, or scholars should be asked when needed.

FAQ

May I give one child secretly without the siblings knowing?

If this is for a real need, such as illness, debt, or hardship, there is no harm in giving according to the need while preserving wisdom and privacy. But a secret gift intended to favor one child without right or deprive siblings is a cause of injustice and family rupture.

FAQ

Is justice required between older and younger children?

Yes. Justice is required between all children, older and younger. But needs differ according to age and condition. A young child needs maintenance and raising, while an older child may need help with marriage, treatment, or debt. This should be considered according to what is right, without unjust favoritism.

FAQ

Do comparisons between children affect them?

Yes. Repeated comparison is among the things that most corrupt children’s hearts. It may produce hatred, emotional weakness, and envy.

FAQ

What should I do if I previously wronged some of my children?

Repent to Allah, try to repair what can be repaired, return financial rights if they exist and you are able, ask forgiveness, and strive to be just in what remains.

Conclusion

Conclusion

Justice between children is worship and responsibility, not merely a parenting technique. Whoever fears Allah regarding his children and is just between them, Allah preserves his home, blesses his raising, and closes many doors of envy and dispute.

Fear Allah and be just between your children.

This is a comprehensive Prophetic advice by which homes and hearts are rectified.