Honoring ParentsThe Status of the Mother in Islam
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and may peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and companions.
Islam raised the status of the mother and made honoring her one of the greatest acts of worship. Allah joined the right of parents with His right in many places in the Quran. The mother has a special right because of what she bears of pregnancy, birth, nursing, raising, sleeplessness, mercy, and patience.
{وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا * وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا}Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you show excellence to parents... and say: My Lord, have mercy upon them as they raised me when I was small. [Al-Isra 17:23-24]
This verse is a comprehensive foundation for showing excellence to parents, speaking gently, lowering the wing of humility, and making dua for them.
Her StatusWhy Does the Mother Have Such a Great Status?
Because the mother combines many forms of kindness that children often cannot fully comprehend: she carried, gave birth, nursed, stayed awake, raised, was patient, and gave from her body, time, and heart.
{وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَى وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ}We enjoined upon man concerning his parents. His mother carried him in weakness upon weakness... [Luqman 31:14]
{وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ إِحْسَانًا حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ كُرْهًا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًا وَحَمْلُهُ وَفِصَالُهُ ثَلَاثُونَ شَهْرًا}We enjoined upon man excellence to his parents. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship... [Al-Ahqaf 46:15]
Best CompanionshipThe Mother Is Most Entitled to Good Companionship
A man came to the Prophet ﷺ and asked who was most entitled to his good companionship.
قال: أمك. قال: ثم من؟ قال: أمك. قال: ثم من؟ قال: أمك. قال: ثم من؟ قال: أبوك.He said: Your mother. He asked: Then who? He said: Your mother. He asked: Then who? He said: Your mother. He asked: Then who? He said: Your father.
Agreed upon.
This hadith shows the greatness of the mother’s right and her priority in kindness and good companionship because of her extra hardship, mercy, and raising.
Practical BirrForms of Honoring the Mother
Honoring the mother is not merely a phrase. It is continuous action that appears in speech and behavior.
- Speaking gently to her.
- Serving her when she needs help.
- Asking about her and caring for her.
- Bringing happiness to her.
- Being patient with what may come from her in old age or illness.
- Making dua for her.
- Spending on her if she needs it and the child is able.
- Not raising one’s voice at her.
- Not making her feel like a burden.
Old AgeHonoring the Mother in Old Age
One of the greatest times of honoring the mother is when she grows old and weak, because her need for mercy, patience, service, and gentle speech increases.
May his nose be rubbed in dust, then may his nose be rubbed in dust, then may his nose be rubbed in dust. It was said: Who, O Messenger of Allah? He said: The one who reaches his parents in old age, one or both of them, and does not enter Paradise.
Narrated by Muslim.
- Being patient with her weakness and repeated needs.
- Not becoming annoyed by serving her.
- Addressing her with noble speech.
- Giving her reassurance.
- Caring for her health and finances as much as possible.
- Making dua for her in her presence and absence.
After MarriageHonoring the Mother After Marriage
Marriage does not remove the mother’s right. It is not permissible for a husband or wife to prevent the other from honoring and maintaining ties with parents in what is right.
However, rights must be arranged with wisdom and justice. A husband should not wrong his wife under the excuse of his mother, and a wife should not cut her husband off from his mother. Neither should use honoring parents as a reason to neglect the rights of the home.
Islam came with justice: every person with a right is given their right.
Honoring the mother does not mean wronging the wife or neglecting children, and the right of the spouse does not mean cutting off the mother. The successful person combines the rights as much as possible and seeks Allah’s help in good arrangement and gentleness.
ObedienceObeying the Mother in What Is Right
Obeying the mother is obligatory in what is right, as long as she does not command sin, clear harm, or neglect of an obligatory right.
Obedience is only in what is right.
Agreed upon.
If the mother commands sin, she is not obeyed in sin, but her right to kindness, gentle speech, and good treatment remains.
{وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَى أَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا}If they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them, but accompany them in this world with kindness. [Luqman 31:15]
Non-Muslim MotherHonoring a Non-Muslim Mother
If the mother is not Muslim, her right to kindness, connection, and good treatment remains, as long as the child does not obey her in disbelief or sin.
Asma bint Abi Bakr رضي الله عنها asked the Prophet ﷺ about her mother, who was a polytheist, saying: My mother has come to me seeking connection. Should I maintain ties with her? He said: Yes, maintain ties with your mother.
Agreed upon.
This shows that difference in religion does not remove kindness to the mother. A Muslim honors her, treats her well, and makes dua for her guidance while remaining firm upon Islam.
Major SinThe Danger of Disobeying the Mother
Disobedience to parents is among the major sins, and it is especially serious regarding the mother because of the strength of her right.
- Raising one’s voice at her.
- Insulting or mocking her.
- Abandoning her without right.
- Leaving her service when she needs it.
- Honoring others while neglecting her.
- Causing her sadness without right.
- Supplicating against her or insulting her.
Associating partners with Allah and disobedience to parents.
Agreed upon, in the mention of major sins.
PatienceIf the Mother Is Harsh or Demanding
Some children may be tested with a mother who is harsh, demanding, or difficult to deal with. This does not remove her right to kindness, but it requires patience, wisdom, and setting boundaries with kindness if harm exists.
- Be patient and seek reward.
- Choose gentle words.
- Do not respond to harshness with harshness.
- Do what you can without wronging yourself, your spouse, or your children.
- Seek help from wise people when needed.
Dua and LoyaltyMaking Dua for the Mother
One of the greatest forms of honoring the mother is making dua for her during her life and after her death.
{وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا}Say: My Lord, have mercy upon them as they raised me when I was small. [Al-Isra 17:24]
After her death, honoring her includes making dua for her, giving charity on her behalf, and maintaining ties with relatives and friends she loved when possible.
Some famous phrases about the virtue of the mother are not authentically established from the Prophet ﷺ. What is established in the Quran and authentic Sunnah is sufficient and great.
FAQIs the mother’s right greater than the father’s?
Both parents have great rights, but the mother was mentioned three times in the hadith of good companionship because of what she bears of pregnancy, birth, nursing, and raising.
FAQShould I obey my mother if she commands sin?
There is no obedience to creation in disobedience to the Creator. But refusing sin must not be accompanied by insult or harshness. She should still be treated with kindness.
FAQShould I obey my mother if she asks me to wrong my wife or neglect an obligatory right?
The mother is not obeyed in injustice, neglecting obligatory rights, cutting family ties, or harming the wife or children without right. The son should refuse politely, preserve his mother’s right to kindness, and try to reconcile and balance the rights as much as possible.
FAQMay a wife prevent her husband from honoring his mother?
She may not prevent him from honoring and maintaining ties with his mother in what is right. Likewise, he may not wrong his wife or neglect her rights under the excuse of honoring his mother. Justice requires giving each person their due right.
FAQMust a non-Muslim mother be honored?
Yes. Her child honors her, treats her well, and maintains ties with her in what is right, while not obeying her in disbelief or sin, as shown in the hadith of Asma رضي الله عنها.
FAQWhat is the best way to honor the mother?
Among the best forms of honoring her are good companionship, gentle speech, fulfilling her needs, patience with her, making dua for her, and bringing joy to her in what pleases Allah.
ConclusionConclusion
The status of the mother in Islam is great. Honoring her is a wide gate from the gates of Paradise, and disobeying her is among the major sins. Whoever Allah enables to honor his mother should praise Allah and strive to keep her good company, for days pass, opportunities do not return, and birr is religion, worship, and nearness to Allah.
