What Does Maintaining Family Ties Mean?

Maintaining family ties means treating relatives well and fulfilling their rights according to one’s ability, accepted custom, and their needs. This may be done through visits, greetings, checking on them, telephone calls, gifts, assistance, refraining from harm, supplication, and standing beside them when they are in need.

Maintaining ties does not have one unchanging form. It differs according to a relative’s circumstances, closeness, and need, as well as a person’s ability and sound custom that does not conflict with the Shariah.

Maintaining ties with one’s parents is greater than maintaining ties with others. The rights of a brother or sister are not the same as those of a distant cousin, and maintaining ties with a needy relative is more emphatic than doing so with a relative who is self-sufficient.

Who Are the Relatives Whose Ties Must Be Maintained?

The relatives meant here are blood relatives, such as parents, grandfathers, grandmothers, children, brothers, sisters, paternal uncles and aunts, maternal uncles and aunts, their children, and other relatives according to how near or distant the relationship is.

Those with the greatest right are the parents, followed by the nearest relatives in order of closeness.

As for the relatives of one’s husband or wife, they have a right to kindness and good treatment because of marriage and companionship, but they are not one’s blood relatives unless a blood relationship also exists. Nevertheless, treating them well is among the noble qualities of character and helps spouses live together harmoniously.

The Ruling on Maintaining and Cutting Family Ties

Maintaining family ties is obligatory in general, while severing them is a major sin. Their right becomes more emphatic according to the closeness and need of the relative. Many texts command maintaining these ties and warn against severing them.

قال الله تعالى: {فَهَلْ عَسَيْتُمْ إِنْ تَوَلَّيْتُمْ أَنْ تُفْسِدُوا فِي الأَرْضِ وَتُقَطِّعُوا أَرْحَامَكُمْ * أُولَئِكَ الَّذِينَ لَعَنَهُمُ اللَّهُ فَأَصَمَّهُمْ وَأَعْمَى أَبْصَارَهُمْ} [محمد: 22-23].

Allah the Exalted says, meaning: “Now if you were to turn away, perhaps you would spread corruption throughout the land and sever your family ties. These are the ones who Allah has condemned, deafening them and blinding their eyes.” [Muhammad: 22-23]

وقال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: "لَا يَدْخُلُ الجَنَّةَ قَاطِعٌ" متفق عليه.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “The one who severs family ties will not enter Paradise.” Agreed upon.

The word “one who severs” means a person who severs family ties, as explained in narrations of the hadith and by scholars. This is a text containing a severe warning, showing that severing family ties is a major sin. It does not mean, however, that a Muslim becomes a disbeliever merely by severing them while still acknowledging that doing so is prohibited. A person who dies upon Tawheed without repenting remains under Allah’s will. Scholars explained that not entering Paradise means that, if punished for the sin, such a person will not enter it initially with those who enter first; it does not mean remaining in Hell forever.

قال الله تعالى: {إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يَغْفِرُ أَنْ يُشْرَكَ بِهِ وَيَغْفِرُ مَا دُونَ ذَلِكَ لِمَنْ يَشَاءُ وَمَنْ يُشْرِكْ بِاللَّهِ فَقَدِ افْتَرَى إِثْمًا عَظِيمًا} [النساء: 48].

Allah the Exalted says, meaning: “Indeed, Allah does not forgive associating others with Him in worship, but forgives anything else of whoever He wills. And whoever associates others with Allah has indeed committed a grave sin.” [An-Nisa: 48]

A Muslim must not allow disagreements, pride, envy, or love of worldly things to become reasons for severing what Allah has commanded to be maintained.

How Are Family Ties Maintained, and What Constitutes Severing Them?

The Shariah has not prescribed one number of visits or calls suitable for everyone. Maintaining ties differs according to how close a relative is, the relative’s needs, a person’s ability to reach them, and sound custom that does not conflict with the Shariah. What is considered sufficient contact for a distant relative may not be enough for a needy parent or a close sibling.

An occasional delayed response, missed visit, or temporary period of being busy does not by itself constitute severing family ties. Severing ties is apparent when someone deliberately abandons a relative and, despite being able, neglects what people reasonably recognize as maintaining ties, especially when the relative is ill, in need, or experiencing hardship. A Muslim should examine his conduct and must not allow temporary excuses to become a permanent habit that eventually leads to severing ties.

The Virtue of Maintaining Family Ties

Maintaining family ties has many great virtues, including:

1. It is obedience to Allah and fulfillment of His command.
2. It is a cause of expanded provision and blessing in one’s lifespan.
3. It promotes affection among relatives and brings hearts together.
4. It removes resentment and reduces disputes.
5. It is among the noble qualities of character brought by Islam.
6. It contributes to the well-being of homes and societies.

قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: "مَنْ أَحَبَّ أَنْ يُبْسَطَ لَهُ فِي رِزْقِهِ، وَيُنْسَأَ لَهُ فِي أَثَرِهِ، فَلْيَصِلْ رَحِمَهُ" متفق عليه.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “Whoever would like his provision to be increased and his lifespan to be extended should maintain his family ties.” Agreed upon.

The phrase “his lifespan to be extended” means that his appointed term is delayed. This does not conflict with Allah’s prior knowledge or what He has written in the Mother of the Book. Scholars have stated that the increase occurs in what the angels record from matters that Allah has connected to their causes. It has also been said that it refers to blessing in one’s lifespan, being guided to obedience, and leaving behind a good remembrance. All of this falls within Allah’s decree and predestination.

Maintaining Family Ties Is a Quality of Faith

وقال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: "مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَاليَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيُكْرِمْ ضَيْفَهُ، وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَاليَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَصِلْ رَحِمَهُ، وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَاليَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ" رواه البخاري.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should honor his guest. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should maintain his family ties. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent.” Narrated by Al-Bukhari.

Maintaining family ties is among the qualities of faith and one of the signs that a servant sincerely seeks Allah’s pleasure.

Maintaining Family Ties Is Not Merely Reciprocation

Some people maintain ties only with relatives who maintain ties with them. They visit only those who visit them and ask about others only when those people ask about them. This is not the full reality of maintaining family ties; it is merely reciprocation and returning like for like.

قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: "لَيْسَ الوَاصِلُ بِالمُكَافِئِ، وَلَكِنِ الوَاصِلُ الَّذِي إِذَا قُطِعَتْ رَحِمُهُ وَصَلَهَا" رواه البخاري.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “The one who truly maintains family ties is not the one who merely reciprocates. Rather, he is the one who maintains them when his relatives sever them.” Narrated by Al-Bukhari.

The person who truly maintains family ties does so seeking the Face of Allah, even when some relatives fall short and even when they do not return what he gives them, as long as he can maintain those ties without definite harm.

وجاء رجل إلى النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال: "يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، إِنَّ لِي قَرَابَةً أَصِلُهُمْ وَيَقْطَعُونِي، وَأُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِمْ وَيُسِيئُونَ إِلَيَّ، وَأَحْلُمُ عَنْهُمْ وَيَجْهَلُونَ عَلَيَّ"، فقال صلى الله عليه وسلم: "لَئِنْ كُنْتَ كَمَا قُلْتَ فَكَأَنَّمَا تُسِفُّهُمُ المَلَّ، وَلَا يَزَالُ مَعَكَ مِنَ اللَّهِ ظَهِيرٌ عَلَيْهِمْ مَا دُمْتَ عَلَى ذَلِكَ" رواه مسلم.

A man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and said: “O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives whose ties I maintain while they cut me off. I treat them well while they treat me badly. I am forbearing with them while they behave ignorantly toward me.” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, replied: “If you are as you say, it is as though you are feeding them hot ashes, and you will continue to have a supporter from Allah against them as long as you remain upon that.” Narrated by Muslim.

The Arabic word “al-mall” means hot ashes. The meaning is that their mistreatment, while he continues to treat them well, returns upon them as disgrace and sin, and that Allah supports him as long as he remains steadfast in kindness. The hadith does not command a Muslim to enable a relative to assault him or to remain in a dangerous situation. Rather, it encourages him not to answer ordinary mistreatment with severance and further mistreatment.

The Womb Is Attached to the Throne

Among the greatest reports concerning family ties is that the womb has a tremendous status before Allah.

قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: "الرَّحِمُ مُعَلَّقَةٌ بِالعَرْشِ، تَقُولُ: مَنْ وَصَلَنِي وَصَلَهُ اللَّهُ، وَمَنْ قَطَعَنِي قَطَعَهُ اللَّهُ" رواه مسلم.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “The womb is attached to the Throne, saying: ‘Whoever maintains me, Allah will maintain him, and whoever severs me, Allah will sever him.’” Narrated by Muslim.

We believe what the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, reported in this hadith as it came, and we affirm for Allah what His Messenger affirmed of maintaining and severing in a manner befitting Him, without distortion, asking how, or likening Him to His creation. The hadith shows that maintaining family ties is not a trivial matter. It is among the tremendous rights in which a Muslim should examine himself, and he must not take lightly the severing or neglect of a relative without an excuse.

How Are Family Ties Maintained?

Family ties are maintained according to one’s ability and the relative’s needs. Forms of maintaining them include:

1. Visiting relatives, especially parents, grandparents, brothers, and sisters.
2. Calling and asking about their well-being.
3. Sending a kind message or a permissible greeting on a legitimate occasion.
4. Helping a needy relative with money, service, or proper intercession.
5. Visiting those who are ill.
6. Offering condolences to the bereaved and comforting those who are sad.
7. Attending permissible occasions that strengthen affection.
8. Reconciling relatives when a dispute occurs.
9. Refraining from harming them and guarding the tongue against backbiting and insults.
10. Supplicating for their guidance, righteousness, and blessing.

A sincere message or brief call may be a beneficial form of maintaining ties when that is what a person can manage, especially because of distance, responsibilities, or a disagreement requiring gradual and wise treatment.

ومن أفضل صور الصلة إعانة القريب المحتاج. قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: "إِنَّ الصَّدَقَةَ عَلَى المِسْكِينِ صَدَقَةٌ، وَعَلَى ذِي الرَّحِمِ اثْنَتَانِ: صَدَقَةٌ وَصِلَةٌ" رواه الترمذي والنسائي وابن ماجه، وصححه الألباني.

One of the best forms of maintaining family ties is assisting a needy relative. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “Charity given to a poor person is charity, while charity given to a relative is two things: charity and maintaining family ties.” Narrated by At-Tirmidhi, An-Nasa'i, and Ibn Majah; authenticated by Al-Albani.

Does Maintaining Family Ties Mean Remaining Silent About Injustice?

No. Maintaining family ties does not mean that a Muslim must accept injustice, approve of sin, or allow people to harm him or his family. Islam commands maintaining ties, and it also commands justice and the removal of harm.

If some relatives cause genuine harm, transgress boundaries, corrupt the household, or draw a person toward sin, maintaining ties does not mean giving them unrestricted access. It is permissible to reduce contact, establish clear boundaries, and prevent harm while preserving whatever safe form of contact remains possible, such as a greeting, message, inquiry, supplication, or assistance when needed.

قال الله تعالى: {فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُمْ وَاسْمَعُوا وَأَطِيعُوا وَأَنْفِقُوا خَيْرًا لِأَنْفُسِكُمْ وَمَنْ يُوقَ شُحَّ نَفْسِهِ فَأُولَئِكَ هُمُ المُفْلِحُونَ} [التغابن: 16].

Allah the Exalted says, meaning: “So be mindful of Allah to the best of your ability, hear and obey, and spend in charity, for that is best for you. And whoever is saved from the selfishness of their own souls, it is they who are truly successful.” [At-Taghabun: 16]

A Muslim combines two responsibilities: he does not unjustly sever family ties while able to maintain them, and he does not expose himself or his family to harm in the name of maintaining ties. If direct contact results in definite harm, ties may be maintained through a safe method, through a trustworthy intermediary, or temporarily through whatever can be done without harm. When violence or assault is feared, safety takes priority, qualified people and the appropriate authorities should be consulted, and the person is not required to meet the harmful relative or admit that relative into the home.

Must Relatives Be Obeyed in Sin?

No one may be obeyed in disobedience to Allah, whether that person is a relative or not. Maintaining family ties does not mean obeying a relative in something prohibited, joining the relative in injustice, or abandoning a religious obligation for the relative’s sake.

قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: "لَا طَاعَةَ فِي مَعْصِيَةٍ، إِنَّمَا الطَّاعَةُ فِي المَعْرُوفِ" متفق عليه.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “There is no obedience in disobedience. Obedience is only in what is right.” Agreed upon.

If a relative requests something prohibited, the Muslim should decline politely while continuing to show kindness as much as possible in matters that do not involve sin.

How Can a Muslim Maintain Family Ties Amid Disputes?

Many estrangements begin with a small disagreement and then grow because of pride, suspicion, carrying tales, or delaying an apology. Whoever seeks Allah’s pleasure should begin with what he can do:

1. Greet the relative when they meet.
2. Send a kind message without arguing.
3. Supplicate for the relative in their absence.
4. Apologize when at fault.
5. Accept a sincere apology.
6. Avoid reopening old matters without a benefit.
7. Seek the help of a wise person for reconciliation when needed.
8. Do not carry people’s words between relatives.
9. Maintain ties for Allah, not to triumph over the self.

وقد قال الله تعالى: {إِنَّمَا المُؤْمِنُونَ إِخْوَةٌ فَأَصْلِحُوا بَيْنَ أَخَوَيْكُمْ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُرْحَمُونَ} [الحجرات: 10].

Allah the Exalted says, meaning: “The believers are but one brotherhood, so make peace between your brothers. And be mindful of Allah so that you may be shown mercy.” [Al-Hujurat: 10]

Maintaining Ties With a Non-Muslim Relative

اختلاف الدين لا يسقط حق القرابة في البر والصلة المباحة. قال الله تعالى: {لَا يَنْهَاكُمُ اللَّهُ عَنِ الَّذِينَ لَمْ يُقَاتِلُوكُمْ فِي الدِّينِ وَلَمْ يُخْرِجُوكُمْ مِنْ دِيَارِكُمْ أَنْ تَبَرُّوهُمْ وَتُقْسِطُوا إِلَيْهِمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ المُقْسِطِينَ} [الممتحنة: 8].

Religious difference does not remove a relative’s right to kindness and permissible contact. Allah the Exalted says, meaning: “Allah does not forbid you from dealing kindly and fairly with those who have neither fought nor driven you out of your homes. Surely Allah loves those who are fair.” [Al-Mumtahanah: 8]

وقالت أسماء بنت أبي بكر رضي الله عنهما: "قَدِمَتْ عَلَيَّ أُمِّي وَهِيَ مُشْرِكَةٌ فِي عَهْدِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، فَاسْتَفْتَيْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، قُلْتُ: وَهِيَ رَاغِبَةٌ، أَفَأَصِلُ أُمِّي؟ قَالَ: نَعَمْ، صِلِي أُمَّكِ" متفق عليه.

Asma bint Abi Bakr, may Allah be pleased with her and her father, said: “My mother came to me while she was a polytheist during the lifetime of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him. I asked the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, for a ruling and said: ‘She has come desiring my kindness. Should I maintain ties with my mother?’ He replied: ‘Yes, maintain ties with your mother.’” Agreed upon.

A Muslim maintains ties with a non-Muslim relative through permissible visits, gifts, assistance, and kind words while inviting the relative to Islam with wisdom. This is done without religious allegiance to falsehood, participation in prohibited worship, or obedience in sin.

Maintaining Family Ties and the Boundaries of Mahram Relationships

Maintaining family ties does not alter the rulings of who is and is not a mahram. Male and female paternal cousins and maternal cousins are not mahrams merely because they are relatives. Ties with them must therefore be maintained without seclusion, prohibited physical contact, uncovering what must be covered, or conversation that leads to temptation. These ties may be maintained through general inquiries, assistance, gifts, properly supervised family gatherings, and other permissible means.

Maintaining Family Ties After the Death of One’s Parents

The duty to maintain ties with the relatives of one’s father and mother does not end when the parents die, because those people remain one’s blood relatives. Part of completing kindness to parents after their death is supplicating and seeking forgiveness for them if they died as Muslims, maintaining ties with their relatives, and honoring righteous people whom they loved.

وعن عبد الله بن عمر رضي الله عنهما "أَنَّ رَجُلًا مِنَ الأَعْرَابِ لَقِيَهُ بِطَرِيقِ مَكَّةَ، فَسَلَّمَ عَلَيْهِ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ، وَحَمَلَهُ عَلَى حِمَارٍ كَانَ يَرْكَبُهُ، وَأَعْطَاهُ عِمَامَةً كَانَتْ عَلَى رَأْسِهِ. فَقَالَ ابْنُ دِينَارٍ: فَقُلْنَا لَهُ: أَصْلَحَكَ اللَّهُ، إِنَّهُمُ الأَعْرَابُ، وَإِنَّهُمْ يَرْضَوْنَ بِاليَسِيرِ. فَقَالَ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ: إِنَّ أَبَا هَذَا كَانَ وُدًّا لِعُمَرَ بْنِ الخَطَّابِ، وَإِنِّي سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَقُولُ: إِنَّ أَبَرَّ البِرِّ صِلَةُ الوَلَدِ أَهْلَ وُدِّ أَبِيهِ" رواه مسلم.

Abdullah ibn Umar, may Allah be pleased with him and his father, met a Bedouin on the road to Makkah. Abdullah greeted him, seated him on the donkey he had been riding, and gave him the turban from his own head. Ibn Dinar said: “We said to him, ‘May Allah rectify you. They are Bedouins and are content with little.’ Abdullah replied, ‘This man’s father was a friend of Umar ibn Al-Khattab, and I heard the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, say: “Among the finest forms of dutifulness is for a son to maintain ties with the people his father loved.”’” Narrated by Muslim.

Whoever wishes to continue honoring his parents after their death should remain attentive to their relatives, supplicate for his parents, and treat righteous people whom they loved with kindness.

Common Mistakes in Maintaining Family Ties

1. Maintaining ties only with those who reciprocate and abandoning those who fall short.
2. Severing family ties because of a financial disagreement or an old incident.
3. Treating social media as a complete replacement for checking on and visiting relatives when one is able.
4. Participating in gatherings of backbiting and tale-carrying in the name of family.
5. Taking on more than one can sustain until becoming exhausted and stopping altogether.
6. Failing to maintain proper boundaries with a harmful relative.
7. Obeying relatives in sin or injustice.
8. Neglecting needy relatives despite being able to help them.
9. Preventing a husband or wife from maintaining proper ties with parents and relatives.
10. Delaying apologies and reconciliation until estrangement grows.

A Practical Program for Maintaining Family Ties

A Muslim can establish a simple program:

1. Call or regularly visit one’s parents if they are alive.
2. Set aside a day each week or month to ask about some relatives.
3. Write down the names of relatives whose rights have been neglected and begin with the closest.
4. Support a needy relative according to one’s ability.
5. Send a kind message to someone with whom the relationship has become distant.
6. Supplicate for relatives while prostrating and at other times of supplication.
7. Stay away from carrying words that corrupt hearts.
8. Initiate the greeting when meeting a relative, even if something has occurred between them.

A small, consistent effort is better than temporary enthusiasm that soon ends.

Practical Summary

Write down the names of your closest relatives whose rights you have neglected, then begin with one possible step: a call, visit, message, assistance, or sincere apology. Maintain those ties for Allah, not merely while waiting for reciprocation, and remain consistent in a small beneficial effort rather than beginning with temporary enthusiasm that soon ends.